28 February 2011

The one with the happy marriage.

urban outfitters heart tights
Fred Flare Heart Sunglasses

This month the focus of my happiness project was love and relationships. I have a wonderful marriage, and, though I would like to claim responsibility for our happy home, Jeremy is mostly to thank.

He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. I can honestly say he has never (on purpose) hurt my feelings. (full disclosure: he's not the most perceptive. Once after I spent hours working on a new makeup look, he walked in and said, "Why is there so much black gunk on your eyes?" Tears may have followed -- which didn't help the eyeliner!)

So, while I didn't have huge issues to work on this month, I did want to see what I could do to improve our relationship. Here's a few things that truly helped and that I will continue to practice.
  • Fight right: I loved this section of Gretchen's book. Disagreements happened, but I did my best to fight right. I removed words like never (you never do such-and-such) and always (you always forget this-or-that) from my vocabulary. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, but cruel words are hard to take back.
  • Don't be the mom: I hope my own mom laughs at this part. :) We have talked extensively about this topic. I'm not sure if it has to do with marrying young, but I sometimes feel like a mom to Jeremy. Between pleas to visit the dentist and to pick up Risk 2210 from the living room floor, it's easy to loose some of the magic. During February, I worked on remembering that he is an adult and I am his wife, not mother. I still made his dentist appointment, but no reminders or nagging. I'll report back letting you know if he actually goes. ;)
  • Set the right tone: This month I realized that I set the tone for our home. This is pretty powerful to realize - my emotions affect the entire household (check out Danielle's post that talks about this same topic). So if I had a hard day at work, instead of moping around all evening, I would take an hour to myself (read, bath, gym). That time of calming helped me to refocus and be enjoyable company for Jeremy.
  • Have fun: "It's easy to be heavy; hard to be light." - G. K. Chesterton. Gretchen refers to this quote again and again. With adulthood comes responsibility. Talks of mortgages, jobs, and taxes can swiftly snuff out the flames of romance. This month I had the goal to simply be light. One night I was exhausted and wanted nothing more that to slip under the covers. I was so close to home, but as we drove through our neighborhood, Jer's attention was caught by our local Blockbuster. The sign read, "Closing - ALL MOVIES MUST GO." Before I knew it we were parked, and I was being dragged into the store. I had a choice. I could impatiently wait for him to find the movies or I could enjoy this time together. With this quote in mind, I raced down the aisles with him, laughing and pointing out my favorite childhood movies. I did finally make it to bed, happier for the fun time I spent with him (also, we now own all the episodes of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Thanks, Blockbuster).
This is nothing you and I haven't heard before, but I was grateful for these simple reminders this month.

That is all.

Urban Outfitters Flower Heart Watch
Instax Love
Like the heart pictures? Visit Much Love Anna to see other submissions.

18 comments:

  1. This is so sweet, and so very insightful! It's always nice to hear the perspective of a happily married person. It gives hope to us non-married folk that there are happy, healthy couples out there making it work :)

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  2. I'm super glad I read this today...such great reminders to start out the week with. thanks for posting!

    AND super mario bros??? I'm jealous. I so watched that every day after school.

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  3. Where did you ever score those sunnies and tights? :)

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  4. Thanks for sharing this insight in your relationship. It definitely gave me something to think about ;)

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  5. oh my I love all the hearts and your fujis, I'm so tempted to get that camera this year!

    Great tips, I always say never and I should really try not too.

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  6. Love this post! Reminds me of a similar one I wrote about ways to maintain a *Happy Love Nest* :)

    ps; you look beautiful. xo

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  7. One of the marriage things I worked on this month is leaving things unsaid. Dan will no doubt leave dishes all over the place. And I used to get on him all the time about it, and he still did not remember to pick up dishes. So now I just do it, don't bring it up, and it really just takes a minute. I am happier because I no longer bring it up and he is happier not to hear me talk about it!

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  8. A. Those sunglasses are awesome

    B. This is a really great post, especially because my boy & I just got our first place together and I find it quite insightful!

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  9. My goodness, Ashley. As always, you are absolutely adorable!

    And, I absolutely love, love, love that I read this today. With my husband always being away we're continuously discussing healthy options when working our way through any bumps or just staying better connected in general. Thank you for sharing your little tips!

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  10. Ash I love this post! I can especially relate to #1 and #2. I think I will work on those things this month as well ;)

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  11. Ok, where do I start?
    - That combo skirt/shoes/awesometights is perfect.
    - That t-shirt? WANT.
    - Those sunglasses look perfect on you.
    - Everything you wrote is very inspiring, married or not. I tend to isolate myself whenever I'm in a bad mood to make sure I don't behave like a perfect bitch for no reason.
    - Oh and love this hairdo!
    xxx

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  12. I love the heart sunglasses!

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  13. Holy mother of hearts! I love the tights sunglasses and watch! I love hearts and much love mondays. Thank you for those tips. I ALWAYS use 'always' and 'never'. And that makes him really mad. I should probably avoid those next time. :P

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  14. This is inspiring. Thank you for sharing!

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  15. It all sounds so simple, but is so hard in practice!

    I found your blog via Much Love Monday. Great post. Have a great week :)

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  16. I love your glasses! So cute!

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  17. I really enjoyed reading this! Although my fiance and I went to a church related premarital class, it had much of the same advice about marriage as what you mentioned in your post. We have been particularly working on "fighting right" and leaving out "always" and "never". :)

    Yay for finding new blogs! <3 I'm a new follower!

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  18. What a great project...love it!!! So refreshing and lovely!

    Liesl :)

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